Seriously, those unfamiliar with the show or books, vamanos.
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Alright for the rest of you grieving fandom I’ve composited a list of ways to somehow bring back the part of you that died horribly watching Sunday nights episode. I read the books a while ago, I knew what was going to happen, but it was still pretty freakin brutal. So I’ve had a long time to cope, recover, and mentally prepare for the soul crushing Hell that is GRRM fictional universe. So take a deep breathe, grab a drink (the stronger the better) and continue on.
#1.Happier Days.
Hey, Remember that time when Theon was loyal to the Starks, and Bran could walk, and Sansa still had lady, and the Kingdom was in a form of peace, and the Lannister twins did the hankey pankey but know one knew about it, and Winterfell wasn’t massacred and put to the torch and Ned still had all his vital body parts attached to his torso?
Yeah, episode 1 of the first season was great. Lets go back to when they all found the dire wolf puppies. That was cute, and probably the scene you used to lure your friends into watching the show in the first place.
#2. Focus on the good parts.
Aside from the you-know-what, this episode had a lot of great scenes. Sam is given some form of praise (be it, from a severely inbred woman) for being a nerd. The word “Hodoring” is used by Bran as he tries to calm down Hodor. But when that fails to work, he controls Hodor by entering his mind and body. Jojen reveals that Bran is probably the only Warg south of the wall who has successfully done that. Plus, baby stark Rickon got some speaking lines. I mean, immediately after he’s spirited away by Osha, but still. Got a little bit of dialog in there.
Jon ditches the wildings in a very dramatic fashion, I especially liked the whole ” Hahahah you were right, suck it” tidbit before kind of killing Orell, the creepiest Wilding out there. Who at least put up a fight after warging into a hawk to deliver some paper cuts. All I can say is Ygritte is already planning on killing people Jon, you just put yourself on the top of her list.
Across the sea we have the trio of Jorah, Daario, and Greyworm taking down everyone in their way while Dany wonders why it takes more than 10 minutes to sack a city. Woman, it probably takes a little longer to capture a slave city than it does for your entourage to set up your portable bathtub. We did get to see Jorah die a little inside after Dany asked about Daario, so we can enjoy that unrequited love fest.
#3. Accept what happened as best as you can.
Okay, we know it happened. Deep breathes, and remind yourself this is a fictional universe you just so happened to emotionally invest loads of time into.
Reading that scene was painful enough, but there’s nothing like seeing the most literary traumatic chapters brought to life on television. Which leads us to…
#4. Remember, there is still one more episode.
For an hour we can see Westero’s reactions to the awfulness of the Red Wedding. Because Sansa just had a wedding, she needs to be reminded her life is terrible. This sets the stage of for Arya and the Hound continuing their road trip, leading Arya to a very bizarre and vengeful path for season 4. Did we mention Dany just brought down another city without having to even use the giant lizards of death yet? She’s really settling into the conquering business quite well.
We have another hour to reflect and prepare for the epic bloodbath that will be season 4. Our viewers are a little dead inside, but trust me when I say this episode set the stage for the most epic series of events to occur in this horrible universe where masochist pay a subscription to watch.
